


Reacquainted Love

by blushmepink



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben runs hot and cold, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-25 06:01:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22391239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blushmepink/pseuds/blushmepink
Summary: Rey Johnson overhears a conversation between Han and Ben Solo that leaves her devastated.  Her first crush had called her a nobody...a god-awful nobody... Ten years later, they meet again with Rey hell-bent on getting her revenge but it seems her girlhood crush has turned into love, not hate as she had hoped.  Will Ben Solo remain her unrequited love or will there be a Christmas miracle?(Based off Helen Brooks' Bitter Honey)***COMPLETED***
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 69
Kudos: 270





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone...I have so many ideas for fan fictions so I had to stop my other work to get this story up. I know nothing about software engineering or the witness protection program so please forgive me if they are wrong. Hope you all like it! Please comment and kudos to keep me going...Thanks and enjoy!

**Chapter One**

“Rey? About Han’s party...there was something I forgot to mention…” As her aunt’s soft warm voice faltered on the line, Rey felt a shiver of apprehension slide down her spine. “It’s Ben,”

“Ben? What’s he got to do with Han’s sixtieth birthday party? I thought he’d forgotten he even had a family! You mean he might actually honor us with his presence? New York’s loss is our gain and all that?”

“Rey…” The deep sigh caused her a moment’s guilt. But they were talking about Ben Solo! “Please, darling. Ben is our son, after all. It’s only natural he should be here.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Rey said tightly. “It is also natural that he should visit you both occasionally. 

“Darling, please don’t upset yourself. Accept Ben for what he is,” Leia Organa Solo thought Rey had just taken a childish dislike to Ben that had grown over the years. That was fine and exactly the way Rey wanted it. “Goodbye, then, dear. We’ll see you tomorrow,” Rey caught the soft sigh as her aunt replaced the receiver.

Fuck you, Ben! Why now after all this time?

She could never hear his name without thinking of that first time she had seen Han and Leia’s son. She had been sixteen, painfully shy, her face covered in freckles and acne spots, huge horn-rimmed glasses hiding her eyes, her hair pulled back in a childish three-bun style and braces on her front teeth.

He had been a devastatingly adult twenty-five, cool, charming and with something dark and mysterious in his make-up that appealed to a romantic sixteen-year-old.

It had been her first visit to the Solo’s beautiful country house since Han and Leia had rekindled their relationship five months before, and she had been overwhelmed by the opulent lifestyle. The curious teen had crept through the vast, exquisitely furnished rooms with something akin to awe.

Han had thrown a pool party on his massive grounds and a barbecue for some of his friends to re-introduce his estranged wife but Rey had developed a headache and returned to the house, half hoping, she admitted secretly to herself, that she might see Ben alone before he returned to New York. It was her first experience of a ‘crush’ and she was finding it painful.

“I don’t understand you, Dad!” She heard Ben’s voice first. “What the hell are you thinking of? Didn’t Leia break your heart? Didn’t she abandon us?”

They must be in Han’s home office, she thought quickly as she stood hesitating in the marble hall. She was turning to leave when Han said, “I love your mother, Ben. What’s wrong with that?” 

“She left you - us - all those years ago and now you’re just welcoming her back as if everything’s fine and dandy? How could you? Are you going to pretend that she didn’t abandon us without so much as a word? Now that she knows you’re wealthy as God she just waltzes back into our lives again! She’s no better than those other gold-diggers who have been after you since you became one of the top ten richest people in the world, Dad!”

“That’s enough, Ben,” Han’s voice was tight was irritation. “Leia and I have resolved our differences. You should respect that and just be happy for us, Ben. We are your parents, after all,”

“Well, isn’t that just fucking perfect?” The voice sounder closer but for the life of her, Rey couldn’t move. “You don’t find it strange that after all these years of searching, there was no trace of Mother whatsoever as if she’d disappeared - vanished and then she just shows up out of the blue and with some kid? Who the fuck is _she_? She’s not a blood relative and yet she clings to Mother like a fucking life-line! Well, I don’t trust Mother or that god-awful nobody! I don’t like them and I don’t trust them either!” There was a harsh bark of a laugh. “Do you seriously expect me to acknowledge _that nobody_ as my relation?”

“I’m not listening to any more of this,” Han said furiously. “I’m going to ask Leia to renew our vows and if you can’t accept that then I suggest you make yourself scarce, Ben. I won’t have her upset in any way.”

“I’ll do just that!” Ben growled. “I don't want to see the mess you’re going to make of your life anyway!”

Rey had found her legs at that point, flying up the staircase to her room and locking the door behind her. He thought his own mother was a gold-digger! His own mother! Her sweet, gentle Leia! Leia, who’d simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time - witnessing something she shouldn’t have and all because of Rey. Rey, whose own parents had been about to sell her for drug money, had managed to run away and into the arms of Leia. Due to special circumstances, Leia and Rey had gone into witness protection while the government worked on bringing down an entire syndicate of human trafficking. It had been twelve long years of living in constant fear before Leia and Rey had finally been released from the program and fortunately, their identities had never been made known to the criminals.

Rey pounded the bed with her fists, her eyes dry and burning, her pain too intense for tears. _How dared he?_ If only he had known how his own mother had missed him, had worried for him from afar! The jerk!

Her brain refused to dwell on the brutal comment about herself but later, when they arrived home after all the excitement of the renewal ceremony, Leia flushed with happiness, she went to her room and lay in the dark with her heart breaking. “Do you seriously want me to acknowledge _that nobody_ as my relation?” She couldn’t bear it. She knew she was plain, scrawny for her age, but surrounded by Leia’s love and good friends, it hadn’t mattered too much, or she had tried not to let it.

It was a long, dark night and she didn’t close her eyes once during the night, but by the time dawn broke, she had left her childhood behind forever, and reached several irrevocable decisions.

Firstly, she would not tell Leia anything of what she had overheard. She must keep that to herself.

Secondly, she would bury her nose in her studies and to go university, try for that software engineering program that was so sought after. 

Thirdly, she would ask Leia to buy her contact lenses for her birthday, get professional help in styling her hair better, and be more diligent in applying the doctor-prescribed acne medication for her skin.

And fourthly, she would get even with Ben Solo if it was the last thing she ever did.

Rey snapped back to the present with a little start of annoyance. She couldn’t afford to daydream today; she had to finish those codes and get them to the office before she left for the country tomorrow.

She had gone on from strength to strength with the firm who had employed her when she had left university two years ago, but was wise enough to understand that she was still very much a junior software engineer. 

As the phone interrupted her again, she sighed. It was just like Finn Stormer to call her instead of texting.

“Rey? It’s me, sorry. Were you working?”

“Of course, Finn, what else would I be doing at 5:30 on a Thursday?”

“Yes, well, I just rang to say I might be a little late tomorrow.” Finn’s voice held that note of worried concern that was habitual with him. “Would Leia mind if we arrived around eight?”

“Not at all,” Rey said shortly. “I’ll let her know. Goodbye, then,” She had hit the end button before he could reply - Finn was apt to stew on all day. A son of one of the partners in the firm she worked for, he was a hard worker and altogether one of the nicest people she had ever met. Good looks and a wealthy father hadn’t spoiled him, and yet...She sighed to herself at the computer screen, something was missing, some...spark. She shook herself angrily. What was the matter with her today?

There was a bite to the evening air as Finn’s BMW drew up outside the Solos’ house the next night. The long driveway was packed with cars but one stood out from the rest.

“Wow!” Finn’s eyes were fixed longingly on the sleek black Tesla as Rey glanced at him. "Who do you suppose owns that beauty?”

“Someone with more money than sense,” Rey said practically. 

As they walked arm in arm up the steps to the front door, she was suddenly immensely glad of his uncomplicated friendship. She smiled gratefully into his face as the door swung open.

Rey glanced from the man at her side to the tall, dark figure in front of them and was conscious of the world standing still for a split-second, then roaring on at twice the normal speed, the noise of the party only faintly registering on her stunned senses.

“Good evening,” Ben held out his hand and Rey took it automatically. “I don’t think we’ve met,” She was thankful when he let go of her hand and shook Finn’s. “I’m Ben, Han’s son, by the way,”

“Nice to meet you,” Finn answered for both of them; she was quite beyond speech, although her face portrayed none of the inner turmoil that was tightening her stomach into a giant knot.

“Come on, Finn,” Rey drew him towards the great room, ignoring Ben, although aware of the stiffening of his big body at such blatant rudeness. The swift appraisal she had made told her he was subtly different from the brash young man she remembered. The long face was even harder than she recalled, his hair worn longer over his ears were still dark and luscious, his aristocratic nose almost too big for his face yet still striking and of course those expressive, brown eyes of his - yep, he was still fucking hot and handsome - even more so - ten years later. The aura that surrounded him was one of dark, controlled power.

“Rey” Finn looked troubled. “I don’t understand...wasn’t that your - what, cousin? Doesn’t - ?”

“Please, Finn,” She saw Leia approaching. “I’ll explain it all later,”

“Rey, darling,” Her aunt - really, more like, mother - hugged her for a second before examining her more closely. “You look absolutely gorgeous, doesn’t she, Ben?” She had known he would move to their side when he heard her name.

“Rey?” The moment was sweet and she savored it. “You’re little Rey?” The whiskey-colored eyes were narrowed in wonder as they swept over the slender, small-breasted figure, golden-skinned and long-legged with a mass of chocolate-brown hair framing a round face with huge hazel eyes. The warm green wrap dress accentuated her small waist and gently curved hips to perfection.

The hated braces had assured a twenty-four-carat smile that she now switched on as she steeled herself to hold his eyes. “Of course, I’m Rey,” She said coolly. “What did you expect? Metal teeth and hair buns? I left those _god-awful_ things behind some years ago.”

There was no trace of understanding in the piercing eyes. He clearly didn’t remember his words of so long ago, and why should he? Rey thought bitterly. That careless cruelty was just part and parcel of this man. But she remembered. And he would pay.

“I wouldn’t have recognized you - I didn’t!” The deep voice said wryly. “I think I’ve been very remiss in not renewing our acquaintance before now.” He smiled briefly at Finn, who was watching the proceedings with unconcealed interest. “We haven’t met for years,” He explained.

“Remiss? I don’t think so,” She said coldly. “We aren’t related, after all, and I’m sure we have nothing in common,” She turned away and took Leia’s arm as she slipped her hand in Finn’s, shutting Ben out of the charmed circle. “Where’s Han?” She asked flatly.

“Rey! That was very rude and unlike you!” Her aunt whispered.

“Leave it, Leia, please,” Rey softened the words with a little smile. “I promise to be a good girl now that’s over, okay? He had it coming after all, ignoring us all for years and then acting like my long-lost cousin.”

“I don’t think there was anything familial about his interest,” Finn said dryly.

The evening rolled smoothly on, with a buffet, then dancing to the little band ensconced in the large bay of the vast great room.

Rey caught sight of Ben’s dark figure once or twice but turned away immediately, annoyed at the fluttering in her stomach that his presence induced. He approached her once for a dance, with a polite node at Finn, his smile fading as she stiffly refused.

“Rey, what is the matter with you?” Finn asked. “I’ve never seen you like this before.”

“I know, Finn,” She replied, sighing as her pulse returned to normal. “We just don’t get on, that’s all. Please…” She knew she was behaving badly but there was something about Ben, a dark, controlled maleness, that set her nerves on edge. How could she explain that to Finn?

She glanced across the room now and was suddenly transfixed by the dark-brown gaze. He was standing by the far wall, wine glass in hand and big body relaxed, his face unsmiling. For a second, she held his gaze, her wide hazel eyes revealing her opinion of him far more adequately than words, and then she wrenched her eyes away with a feeling of panic. Within seconds her view had been obstructed by gaily dancing couples.

“Are you all right?” Finn asked. “You’re white as a ghost,”

He touched her gently on the arm as his other turned her chin so she could look into his eyes, an easy task as they were practically the same height. “I thought we were friends? Rey, I know there’s something wrong. Can’t you share it with me?”

“If I could talk to anyone it would be you, Finn,” She said quietly as the sudden rush of tears into the back of her eyes made her hands clench. What was the matter with her? She was acting like a child. “Maybe some other time, okay?” She smiled into his troubled face. “I’d love a coffee,”

“Sure, peanut,” As he went through to the dining room, she leaned back in her seat with a small sigh. The warm, heavy air permeated with expensive perfume and holiday flowers was suddenly too much. Without thinking, she rose and crossed the room, making for the open glass doors that overlooked the garden. There was a long wooden bench just to one side and she sank onto it gratefully, lifting her face to the cool breeze. Finn would find her here; she hadn’t gone too far. She shut her eyes for a moment, breathing in the fresh air.

“Alone at last,” The deep sardonic voice right in her ear brought her eyes wide open as Ben sat beside her, stretching out his long legs and resting a casual arm along the back of the bench behind her. Nerves she had not known she possessed leapt into life at his closeness.

“What do you want?” She asked faintly.

“I want to talk to you. Is that allowed?”

“No! Yes, I mean...I’m waiting for Finn,” She said weakly. “He’s bringing me coffee, so I can’t -” Her voice stopped abruptly as he touched the heavy fall of brown silky hair resting on her shoulders.

“Beautiful, so beautiful,” He said softly, his eyes wickedly sensual as they came to rest on her mouth.

“I’m glad you approve,” She said as she stood up, her eyes cold as ice. “Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

“Not before you’ve answered something that’s been bothering me all night,” He said softly as he reached out and grasped her arm. She glared at him angrily. _How dared he?_

“Do you mind?” She said furiously, suppressing a shiver from his touch.

“I don’t but you do, and that’s what I want to ask you about.” He shifted slightly, making her aware of the leashed strength in the big body so close to hers. The pale, rugged face was faintly devilish. Not handsome in the classical sense, but there was a magnetism in the harsh, proud face that was powerfully seductive. She had never been in the presence of such charisma before and she didn’t like it at all.

“Well?” She raised her chin defiantly. “What is it?”

“To my knowledge, we have only met three, maybe four times in our entire lives,” He said softly. “I don’t remember exchanging more than a few words with you and yet…” He stared at her keenly. “...you clearly dislike me, have displayed extreme rudeness from the first moment we met tonight, and I want to know why. It doesn’t add up,”

“And everything adds up in your world? Always?”

“Maybe not but don’t change the subject,” He said. “I can’t believe you are a hard, cold woman. Those warm, full lips and those eyes speak of passion, fire...am I wrong?”

“Very,” She eyed him furiously. “And why should I bother to acknowledge our tenuous relationship? Your father got back together with your mother - who was my guardian at the time - when I was sixteen and you were already an adult. We don’t know each other, and you haven’t bothered with your parents for years.”

“That could be easily rectified,” He said mockingly. “I think I would like to get to know my little...cousin?”

Her snort was very unladylike. “We have no ties, Ben, no relation. I’m just a _nobody_ who doesn’t want to get to know you. And you are correct, I do dislike you,”

The abruptness with which he moved caught her by surprise, and as she felt his firm, hard lips stroke her mouth fleetingly she caught a whiff of his intoxicating scent, then he stood up, his mouth smiling but his eyes as cold as ice. “Now that’s a shame, Rey. But perhaps you’ll change your mind,”

“If that’s what you’re hoping for, you -”

“I’m not in the habit of hoping for anything,” He broke in smoothly. “When I want something I make sure I get it,” She wasn’t aware of her hand moving to her lips where the touch was his mouth of his mouth was burning like fire but his eyes followed the action it registered and she brought her hand down, lowering her eyes. The man was a monster! He laughed softly, the sound somehow harsh. “But maybe I don’t want you, Rey. You’ll just have to ‘hope’ for the best, won’t you?”

The mockery was too much and she reared up. “You don’t impress me with your clever little speeches and veiled threats, Ben. Your type are a dime a dozen and just as cheap. Goodbye, Ben.”

This time she took him by surprise, swinging on her heel with a lightning movement and striding off through the open doors into the bright lights. As she saw Finn in the distance with a cup of coffee in each hand, she felt a rush of affection for the kind, handsome figure that made her kiss his cheek as she arrived at his side.

“Okay, peanut?” He smiled at her slowly, his white teeth sparkling against his wonderful chocolate complexion. “Drink that and then I’ll have to be going. You’re back on Monday?”

“Yes,” She nodded. “I thought I’d stay the weekend with Leia and Han but…” Her voice dwindled away. “I might come back early,”

It was as she raised the cup to her lips that she saw Ben watching a few feet away, his face sardonic. It was obvious he had heard their conversation.

Well, it was on now...she would stay the weekend. She didn’t know if he would be around but it would make no difference.

As she waved Finn off from the top of the steps, Rey sensed rather than heard, the body behind her and tensed. It had to be Ben.

“Isn’t lover-boy staying the night?” Drawled the hated voice.

She swung round in an instant with her hand raised. Ben had anticipated her reaction and caught her arm easily. “Now, now…” He arched a dark eyebrow. “Is that the way to treat your elders?” His pillow-soft lips were lifted in a smirk.

“Let go of me,” She snapped.

“Are you going to behave yourself if I do? It wouldn’t do for Mom or Dad to have their evening ruined because their children were fighting, would it?” The dark eyes roamed over her hot angry face. “Have you considered that in this ridiculous vendetta you seem to have against me?”

“I can be civil in front of them if I have to,” She said tightly.

“And if I don’t play ball? You may live your life on such a level but I don’t like insincerity,”

“Not even if it protects people you love?” She asked as he let her arm drop.

“Not even then. If you expect me to go along with this little charade then I shall expect politeness at all times, Rey. Do you understand me?” There was no mockery in his face now. “I do not play games, I am too old for such trivia. You toe the line with me or take the consequences.” He eyed her coldly, disdainfully.

Rey would have loved to snap back with a sharp retort but much as it infuriated her, he was right. She didn’t want Leia and Han upset and he knew it. How she hated him!

“How long are you staying?” She prevaricated.

“Do I take that as agreement? You intrigue me, Miss Rey Solo,” He began lightly.

“My name is Rey Johnson,” She said sharply. “I kept my family’s name, although that is no reflection on Leia and Han. I love them very much but they are not my parents.”

“And exactly what does that mean?” 

“It means that you are their son - their only child.” Her hazel eyes shimmered with sadness. “Your father is enormously wealthy and I have next to nothing - I am nothing, as I’m sure you’re aware.” The implacable face stiffened slightly. “I’m very grateful for all of their kindness but now I’m independent, and if anything should happen to either of them I don’t want a penny of their money.”

“Are you serious?” His voice sounded grim.

“Of course. Han wouldn’t accept it at first but I reiterated my feelings when I was twenty-one and he promised they would be respected. I don’t need your family’s money, Ben nor do I want it.”

“You must have hurt him,” He said.

She stared at him in surprise. It wasn’t the reaction she had expected. “I think I did at first but I made him understand that it didn’t affect my feelings for him. I love your father - your parents, Ben. As long as I have their love, I’m happy,” 

“You’re quite a mystery girl, Rey Johnson,” His eyes narrowed on the lovely face in front of him. “And I don’t give compliments easily. When I said you were beautiful, I meant it. Can you accept that?”

“It doesn’t matter either way, does it?” She forced her voice to remain calm although she was trembling. He was too big...too handsome...too close.

“Are you frightened of me?” He asked abruptly.

“Of course not,” She said. 

Ben stepped closer. 

Rey stepped back.

“You are, aren’t you?” He muttered, eyes raking over her white face. “Who has been feeding you stories about me? What have you heard?” He was directly in front of her now, their chests mere inches apart.

If only he knew, she thought. “What is there to hear?” 

“Oh, the usual things…” She had known he was going to kiss her again but had been powerless to stop it happening, and now as his mouth closed over hers she found herself drawn into his strong arms and held tightly against the hard body as his lips plundered hers. He certainly knew how to kiss, she thought faintly, and she couldn’t - mustn’t respond. She ought to be struggling not kissing him back passionately. There was a mastery, a deep sensual warmth in his lovemaking, and she felt herself responding to this thing she had felt from the first moment she had seen him at sixteen, before the hurt had burnt it away.

Suddenly the kiss was subtly different from anything she had ever known and as his hands molded her curves against his hardness in sensual familiarity, cold reason returned in an icy deluge.

“Stop, please, stop…” She jerked herself out of his hold with a violence that almost made her fall and as she opened the front door and stumbled through he was still standing on the second step, his face taut and his eyes bleak, his hands thrust deep into his pockets.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Rey woke up early the next morning after just a few hours’ sleep but, by the time she went down to breakfast she was, outwardly at least, the epitome of the cool, calm and collected young woman. Her hair was secured in a shiny ponytail, her figure encased in dark skinny jeans and black jumper, black Converses on her feet.

“Morning,” Han was alone in the large breakfast nook off the large kitchen. “How did you sleep?”

“Fine, thanks,” She smiled rather impishly. “All alone?”

“Your aunt never rises before ten, as you know,” He said with a little frown of disapproval. Han had never been able to understand his wife’s weakness for late mornings but indulged her nonetheless. They were still so much in love, Rey thought enviously, helping herself to scrambled eggs and bacon from the covered dishes on the trolley beside the table.

“I was surprised to see Ben home,” She said carefully after they had eaten in silence for some minutes. “Have things improved between you three?”

Han nodded. “I’ve Leia to thank for it all really. She contacted Ben and asked him to meet her in Coruscant a few days ago. I don’t know what was said but he came extending the olive branch which I was thrilled to accept. I’ve missed him, Rey. Does that sound weak?”

“It sounds perfectly normal to me,”

“I have to confess I’ve never understood him,” He told her, sipping on his coffee. “Leia always did, obviously before - everything that happened. I am just so glad that Leia and Ben were able to reconnect again.”

“Yes,” But how could Ben have distanced himself for years...especially with Han? It was heartless.

Her pulse leaped violently as the door opened and the object of her wrath entered.

“Dad. Rey,” Ben nodded to them both. “I hope you slept well?” 

She nodded a reply and quickly averted her gaze. She just knew he was mocking her again. He knew how he had affected her last night.

“Rey?” She came to, finding Han smiling at her. “I asked if you have any plans for today?” He repeated.

“Sorry,” She returned the smile as her cheeks turned pink. “I was daydreaming. I thought I’d go into town and browse the shops, maybe go for a drive in the country if I can borrow one of the cars?”

“No need,” Ben’s deep voice broke in. “I’ll take you.”

“No!” The word shot out and she saw Han stiffen. Careful, Rey. “No, you don’t have to do that,” She hedged. “I haven’t met a man yet who likes shopping, and I tend to wander -”

“I said I’ll take you,” He raised his eyes from his plate. “It’s settled.”

“Oh,” She heard the murmur with a dose of self-disgust. She had been out-maneuvered by an expert and could only accept for Han’s benefit. “Well, that’s really kind of you, Ben,” She said prettily. “I do hope you won’t be too bored,” Two can play at this game, she thought. “It will be so nice to get to know each other after all this time, won’t it?” She saw Han relax.

“My thoughts exactly,” There was a wicked innuendo in those words that was for her ears alone.

As she slid into the black Tesla, Rey found herself aware of the hard-muscled thighs close to hers, the sheer male bulk of him uncomfortably close. What was it with him, she thought painfully. She had never had her femininity exposed so rawly before. Rey was not a small person, at 5-foot-7 and one hundred thirty pounds, she was not a petite damsel in distress but with Ben, standing at least a head taller and built like a refrigerator, she felt so fucking  _ tiny _ .

“Rey?” He had leaned back in his seat with his eyes closed. “Do something for me, would you?”

“What?” She asked warily, hazel eyes narrowed.

“Relax. You look scared to death. I promise I won’t pounce on you - not that the idea isn’t appealing but at 10 am after a hearty breakfast, seated in a car unsuitable for such activities, and right outside my parents’ bedroom window, I think you can assume that you are pretty safe.”

“You’re a pig,” She couldn’t stop her blush as flashes of their kiss flooded her mind.

“You say such sweet things,” He turned to face her, his eyes heavy-lidded and looking sexy as hell. “You look remarkably like a delicious little honey drop. All tasty and soft and silky but I bet that if I tried it, it would be bitter. For me at any rate, am I right?”

She shrugged. “You’ll never know.”

“And Finn? Is he the current boyfriend?”

“Would I have let you kiss me last night if I had a boyfriend, Ben? Besides, what is this? The Spanish Inquisition?” She turned to the window, hoping he’d take the hint and drive.

Ben gave her one last, long look and then fastened his seat belt, easing the innovative car in a tight circle on the wide driveway and then cruising past the avenue of trees to the open gates and the quiet country road.

“What direction shall I take? Town or country?” He glanced at her, silent by his side. “There are crossroads up ahead.”

“Whatever is fine, I don’t mind,”

Ben gave an exasperated sigh. “Rey, this little trip is your idea, remember? Shopping and a drive in the country? Now which comes first?”

Still Rey hesitated as they approached, and passed, the crossroads. 

“Decision made,” He said calmly. “A drive in the country, lunch at a little pub I know and then shopping later. Okay?”

“Look, Ben - “

“Do you like steak and potatoes au gratin?” He asked cheerfully. “They do the best one I’ve ever tasted at the First Order, and the apple pie is out of this world.” He eyed her quizzically. “And do manage a smile when we arrive, please. The landlord is a friend and he’ll think I’m losing my touch if you walk in looking like that,”

“Huh!” The exclamation spoke volumes.

The entrance to the small village was down a steep hill and they drew to a halt outside an unusual-looking pub.

“Hux is originally from Arkanis,” Ben explained. “He married a local girl and they had only been here a year when the old pub burned down. He rebuilt on the land and decided to go for an alpine look to remind him of home. Fits in well, though, doesn’t it?”

“Yes, it does,” She agreed slowly. The steeply pitched roof, decorative barge boarding and tile-hung upper level did adapt to the limestone scenery all around. The magnificent garden, rich with color and the drone of bees, was pure Coruscant.

“Sit down.” Ben indicated a table for two. “I’ll let Hux know we’re here. Draught cider, okay?”

“Fine,” She perched uneasily on the edge of her chair as Ben disappeared inside. What was she doing here?

“There,” Ben set a glass of cider down in front of her. “Smile, Rey, Hux is coming out in a minute,” The tone was wry and she glared at his broad back as a tall ginger appeared.

“I’m pleased to meet you, Rey,” The man smiled widely, his eyes friendly on his pale face.

She held out her hand, smiling warmly. “I’m pleased to meet you too, Hux, and I love your pub,”

“Thank you,” He shook her hand and then turned. “I like your Rey, Ben,”

“Good,” Ben gave a small cynical smile. “But she isn’t mine, Hux, not this one,”

“No? This is a pity. He needs a good woman, Rey,”

“A bad one is more fun,” Ben drawled. “Just because you’re an old married man, don’t consign me to the same unfortunate fate.”

“I have some news for you,” Hux said proudly. “I am soon to be a father, too. In July,”

In the ensuing congratulations and back-slapping, Ben’s remark was forgotten but as they sat waiting for the meal she remembered his dry, cynical voice and darted a quick glance at him.

“Well?” He stretched his legs and took a long swig of cider. “What’s that look for?”

“That remark you made to Hux about not wanting to get married.” She said carefully. “Were you joking?”

Ben stared at her for a long moment, then he shrugged those big, massive shoulders of his. “I’ve got nothing against marriage for those who need it,” He said slowly. “It’s just not something I’d indulge in myself.”

“Why not?”

“I prefer to keep my options open and my life uncluttered. I answer to myself alone,”

It was said with such coldness that she blinked. There was an icy aloofness about him now that intrigued her even as she told herself to forget it. He meant nothing to her, what did it matter anyway? He had his life and she had hers...aside from the occasional holiday and family dinner, their lives would be separate.

“Here’s the meal.” As Hux returned with a loaded tray, Ben switched back to the role of attentive companion. He was such a complex man, able to mask his emotions at will, totally in control of himself and the world around him. She would ask Leia about him later. It wouldn’t do any harm. And it might give her the upperhand.

He stood up abruptly and leaned over the table, loosening her hair and slipping the silk scrunchie in his pocket. “What…?” Rey raised a hand to her hair as if fell in shiny waves about her face.

“I like it loose,” He said softly. “And if I had asked you to wear it like that you would have refused.” He smiled humorously at her angry face, the first real smile she had seen. It transformed the harsh features in a way she could not have imagined. She wanted to touch the groves on either side of his mouth that had appeared with his beautiful smile, showing off his adorably crooked teeth.

“You really are the most impossible man I’ve ever met. Haven’t you heard of the MeToo movement - you can’t go around touching women without consent!” She protested, blushing furiously.

“Hm...I am sorry.” His apology sounded sincere.

The apple pie was as delicious as he had said but eating was difficult. Her mind was filled with so many conflicting emotions it was making her head ache, and the physical sensations Ben induced were more worrying than pleasant.

“You don’t smile much, do you?” She had been unaware that he was silently studying her.

“It depends who I’m with,” She said coldly.

“Ow!” He held a hand over his heart as if in pain. “You’ve certainly got a tongue on you, Rey Johnson. And a temper to match the fire in your eyes,”

He stood up. “Coffee?”

“Cream and sugar, please,”

He disappeared back inside the pub, and Hux carried the coffee out a few minutes later. “Ben is talking to Rose for a moment,” He explained. “She is finishing a special sauce and then she will come to meet you,”

“Oh...right,” Rey smiled. “This is a lovely part of the world, Hux,”

“I agree,” There was satisfaction in the quiet words. “I shall like to bring up my children here. We owe Ben more than words can say.”

“Ben? I don’t quite follow,”

“But you are family? I thought he would have told you…” His voice died away in embarrassment. “I should not have spoken. Please forget it.”

“Please, Hux. To be honest I would like to understand Ben better. We haven’t had any contact in the last few years. If you can tell me anything that might help…”

“Well....” Hux sat down beside her. “We had not been here long when the premises were destroyed. Then we found we were grossly underinsured. Suddenly we found that even with a mortgage and cutting cost, rebuilding could not be done, and certainly not with the ideas I had. I had known Ben for years and somehow through a mutual friend he got to hear about it. The next thing we know, he is down here with his checkbook.” Hux shook his head. “He wanted to give us the money but we could not accept that, Rey.”

“No, I suppose not,” Rey said as her mind tried to take in the face that he was talking about Ben, the genius financier, tough as nails…

“So he insisted on an interest-free loan to be repaid at some future time and...the dream became a reality. He is a good friend.” Hux finished somberly. “The best,”

Rey was saved from trying to reply by the reappearance of Ben with a beaming Rose. As the four of them sat and made small talk she glanced at Ben out of the corner of her eye as he laughed softly at something Rose had said. How many versions of Ben were there under that skin?

By the time Rey was settled back in the car, her thoughts were in turmoil.

“I hear you’ve done very well for yourself,” He slid into his seat by her side and turned to her. “My parents are very proud of you,” The dark eyes caught her gaze.

“Are they?” Rey grinned. “I’ve had to work hard but it’s worth it. I love my job.”

He nodded slowly. “Engineering, is it? I was surprised you’d gone into that area. I’d had you down for a health aide, or nanny, or -”

The harsh words he had spoken so long ago came flashing into her mind wiping away the softer image from moments ago. 

“Laborer?” She asked crisply, brows furrowed in annoyance at his audacity.

“Laborer?” He sounded genuinely amazed. “Of course not. It was just that I pictured you with people somehow, helping, looking after them, I don’t know,” He shrugged, his eyes focused on the road. “Still I hadn’t seen you in years. People change a lot in their teens.”

“This one certainly did.” In her effort to keep all hurt out of her voice it sounded hoarse and he didn’t speak for almost a full minute. By then, his face was in its usual unreadable mask.

“I remember a gentle, shy girl who was afraid of her own shadow. I guess you could say you’ve changed.”

“Gentle, shy girls get trampled on,” She sounded bitter.

“Someone hurt you?” He glanced at her.

“It was a long time ago,” She said tightly.

“Are you interested in history?” Ben asked when the silence became deafening.

“History? I suppose so, sometimes,”

“It’s just that the next village is particularly steeped in it if you’re tempted. There’s a fine old manor house and a lovely hand-made glass shop in the main street. Does that appeal more than a strip mall? It’s up to you.”

“Yes, okay,” She looked at her cell phone for the time. “That would be better, actually. I don’t want to be back late. I’m expecting to hear from Finn and the service out here is pretty shotty.”

“Well, we mustn’t keep Finn waiting.”

Rey was going to explain that Finn was phoning her to tell her the results of her latest program but in view of his unjustified derision, she said nothing.

The house was beautiful and she especially liked the Alderaan room, the decor reminded her of steam-punk, Victorian yet futuristic. “This has given me an idea for my bedroom.” Ben drawled blandly. “After seeing the look on your face I think it would be a winner with the ladies, yes?” He smiled slowly, resulting in an insidious pull at her heartstrings.

She shrugged, hiding her discomfort. “You need help in the bedroom?” 

He laughed, eyes crinkling softly. “Not exactly, but atmosphere helps.”

“I don’t think -” She turned to make a light remark but found herself staring into his face instead and there was something dark and warm in the narrowed eyes.

“Rey…” Ben cupped her face in his large hands, bending down to take her lips as he did so, and as she felt their touch her insides melted. Like before, it was as though a flame ignited that would consume them both, and as the kiss deepened she felt like she was drowning. The sound of other visitors approaching broke the spell, and as Ben moved away his face was rueful. “Come on, let’s visit the glass shop,”

Rey wandered round the old warehouse converted glass shop in a daze, hardly listening to the skilled glass-blower.

As they walked back down the quiet leafy lane, he took her hand in his. Rey felt like a schoolgirl on a date with an experienced world-weary man and the feeling only intensified as she realized he had drawn her into a little shady vale hidden from the road.

“Ben, we need to get back,” She insisted.

“It’s too hot to get back in the car for a while,” He said easily. “We’ve plenty of time, have a seat,” He indicated the carpet of thick springy grass and flung himself down, stretching out with his eyes shut.

Rey stood for a moment, uncertain of what to do next, and then carefully seated herself a few feet away. It was amazingly quiet in the secluded little dell, and as the minutes ticked by, she began to relax a little. Ben hadn’t spoken since he had lain down - in fact he seemed to have dozed off. She peered at him now. His arms were strong and sinewy. He must be very fit, she thought idly. Very athletic, very vigorous...he was an uncomfortable man to be around, she decided as her eyes hesitated on his thick thighs. Too potently male to ignore, too virile…

The lusty thought brought her head snapping down, afraid she’d voiced it out loud. What was the matter with her? She felt hot and flustered as she raised her head again, this time to look straight into bottomless pools of brown eyes as he raised himself slightly, propping his head on his hand. “I thought if I relaxed, you’d do the same but you’re as skittish as a kitten,” He said slowly. “Are you always like this?”

“Not always, no,” She answered. “Look, Ben, I think we out to be getting back. I didn’t bring my laptop with me and the cell service here is sketchy at best,” She looked down pointedly at his hand now on her arm but he ignored the action.

“Relax, Rey, take a few minutes out of life to chill,” His voice was deep and husky. As Rey looked into the brown eyes, she felt mesmerized, unable to resist as his hand drew her inexorably down beside him. As his lips gently touched her creamy golden throat in soft burning kisses, she felt herself begin to tremble and then his mouth was moving all over her face, her ears, her neck until she was almost begging him to take her mouth.

“You are the most tantalizingly delicious…” His voice was lost as he claimed her mouth at last, moving over her so she could feel every inch of his hard body, his erection obvious. She put her arms around his neck, pulling him even closer against her softness and heard him groan deep in his throat, his body stirring against hers. His kisses were thrilling and she was barely conscious of his hands moving over her body, her whole being turned into one trembling instrument of sensation. He broke away once to bury his face in the chocolate silk of her hair but she searched for his mouth until his lips met hers, unaware of what she was doing, lost in her first taste of sexual pleasure. Her teeth bit in his lower lip, heard him groan just before his tongue plunged into the honeyed recesses of her mouth. She shivered, sucking on his tongue as it dueled with hers.

“Hell, I’ve got to stop this, Rey,” In the next instant, he was up on his feet, running a hand through his dark hair. “That’s enough. I’m sorry, Rey, I shouldn’t have done that,” As he stood looking down at her from his impressive height, she saw a look of disgust on his face and she was too inexperienced to recognize that it was directed at himself, not her. Rey’s blood ran cold, becoming icy rivers in her veins.

“Ben?” She too stood up, her cheeks burning. It should have been she who stopped the madness. He must think she was so easy.

Her thoughts were written on her face and he crouched down swiftly at her side. “It was my fault. I should have known better, Rey. I’ve been playing with fire all day but you’re so damn sweet…” He moved back again, eyes still holding hers. “Have you slept with anyone before, Rey? Finn? Anyone?”

The question should have annoyed her but she only felt numb. Now that their lovemaking - ? makeout sesson - had stopped, she realized just how close Ben had come to fucking her...and the thought was burningly painful.

“No,” She answered flatly, truthfully.

“I thought not. Looking the way you do, Rey, it’s unfathomable that you’ve never had sex.”

“Is it?” Her voice was devoid of emotion, almost mechanical. There was nothing wrong with being a twenty-six-year-old virgin.

“I suppose I wanted to see if it was real,” He said almost to himself. “You’re so lovely, Rey, so unspoilt,”

His words hammered into her brain. He had wanted to see if it was real! All this had been but a game to him! While she’d been a confusion of nerves, a myriad of unwanted emotions...he’d been fully control of his! He just been toying with her, stringing her along...for fun!

“I want to go home,” She looked away from him, her humiliation complete. “Now.”

“Don’t look like that.” He reached out to touch her face but she recoiled from him violently.

“Stay away from me, Ben,” Her hazel eyes blazed angrily into his. “You’ve had your fun, you’ve proved that you could have  _ fucked _ me if you wanted to...isn’t that enough?”

“Rey. It’s not like that - listen -”

“I’ll walk home if you won’t drive me!” Her voice was near the edge of hysteria now.

“Okay, okay. We’ll go now,”

Rey sat huddled in the car all the way home, her pretty face turned to the window. She had always been in awe of strong, confident women who had no problems finding sexual gratification either with a partner or on their own but Rey had never been one of them. It wasn’t that she was a prude. Honestly, Rey had never been sexually attracted to anyone. And to find that she had been ready to engage in public sex with none other than Ben Solo was - was - utter karma hell. She had lost in her revenge game. Of course, she was a novice going up against a master. Had she been more experienced, she’d had seen his act for what it was...a game of wills...a power play....and she had lost. She almost groaned. Rey would never have believed that passion and desire were such strong weapons. Now she had been hurt twice by this man. She would make sure there was never a third time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and kudos to let me know how you guys are liking this so far...I am writing while sick so anything is appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

December twenty-third. Rey grimaced as she pushed herself away from her desk. She hadn’t been able to think of Christmas this year without her heart doing crazy somersaults and backflips at the thought that Ben Solo might have the nerve to appear despite the way they had parted company last summer.

Since August, she had been working non-stop anyway and it had proved a blessing after the disastrous weekend following Han’s birthday. She hadn’t had a minute to think or mope but she had to admit that the constant hard grind was catching up with her. She’d have to slow down. Life was hectic and full but in spite of all that, there was something missing...and she didn’t know exactly what it was.

The churning feeling in her stomach was very much evident as she drove to Coruscant the next day. It was bitterly cold but dry and sunny and she drew into Han and Leia’s driveway just toward sunset. Ben’s sleek, black Tesla eyed her broodingly from its place in front of the house.

He  _ was _ here. Her nerves screamed in protest.

“You look queasy, Miss Rey,” The housekeeper, Maz’s greeting didn’t add to her confidence one iota and she pinched some color into her pale cheeks before stepping into the grand foyer.

“Rey, darling!” Leia descended in a rush of softness and warmth and for a moment she had the crazy impulse to hide behind her skirts. “How are you? We hardly hear from you these days. You’re working far too hard.”

Rey emerged from her aunt’s hug with a bright smile and a little nod. “You’re probably right but I’m here for five days now so let’s make the most of it, shall we? How are you and Han?”

“Just fine, darling, perfectly fine,” 

As Rey stepped into the room, her head went up a notch and the smile became brittle. Ben Solo was standing at the far end, one arm resting on the mantle below which a roaring log fire crackled and spat, his dark presence dominating the colorful Christmas decorations and merrily festooned tree.

“Hello, Rey,” The cool smile did nothing to warm the narrow-eyed stare that held her transfixed. As he walked towards her, she had to force herself to stand still. She held out her hand but he pulled her carefully against him for a brief moment, kissing her cheek lightly. “You’ve lost weight,”

“I’ve been working hard,” She said tightly. “Deadlines to meet and all that,”

“Too hard.” He frowned. “You’ll make yourself ill.” All this empty concern for his mother’s benefit, she wondered wryly.

“I’m a big girl now.” With a frigid smile she walked over to the fire. “Where’s Han?”

“Delivering food and presents with Chewie in the village,” Leia said quietly.

Once Han returned the evening passed without many awkward moments but Rey declined Han’s suggestion of midnight mass in the village. “I’ll get to bed if you don’t mind.” She said quietly, eyes trained away from the dark, sardonic face opposite. She hadn’t glanced at Ben once during dinner but had been aware of that dark - cold - gaze. Even now, goosebumps covered every inch of her body, sending shivers down her spine. 

“Life has been hectic recently and I could do with catching up on some sleep.”

“Of course, darling,” Leia said quickly.

As Rey glanced up to smile her thanks, she caught a worried glance that passed between Han and Leia with a stab of guilt. This was going to be a wonderful Christmas, just wonderful, she thought bitterly...and it was all  _ his _ fault! Rey looked at him now as she drained the last of her coffee and his dark eyes held hers tightly.

“You’re leaving us so soon?” He asked smoothly. “Mom has been agitated all day waiting for your arrival.”

“It’s all right, Ben,” Leia said. “We’ve lots of time to catch up and I’d rather Rey get some rest for now. But it’s sweet of you to be concerned.” She touched his arm and Rey was amazed to see Ben smile back at his mother, the harsh face warm for an instant.

Fucking perfect! She almost ground her teeth in her rage. He was about as sweet as a cobra and just as cunning.

Rey was still smoldering an hour later as she lay in bed, wide awake and furiously irritated. Ben Solo was dominating her thoughts to the point where she could have screamed with annoyance at herself. How she hated him! She pictured the pale, austere face with his dark, silky hair, the whiskey-colored eyes, his adorably large ears and hard, muscular body and that strange little thrill quivered down her spine. “I DO hate him!” She sat up in bed and then groaned softly. Talking to herself again! She only did it near him. He’d send her mad if she weren’t careful. And she needed some rest.

Christmas morning brought an exchange of presents that was mortifying in itself. Rey had sailed down to breakfast after a troubled night, resolutely ignoring the headache lodged over her eyes and determined to act the perfect ward. All went reasonably well until the unwrapping of gifts. Although her first sight of Ben, cool and wickedly attractive in dark jeans and black silk shirt was a nasty moment. It was as he handed her the tiny gold packaged enveloped in a gold bow that she felt a moment’s panic. “You haven’t bought me a present, have you?” Her eyes were wide with horror.

“Just a little something,” He said smoothly. The ‘something’ turned out to be a pair of beautiful rose-gold earrings, shaped like sunbursts and encrusted with diamonds that must have cost him a small fortune. Rey felt embarrassed. Why hadn’t she thought to get him something? She had been so determined to not think of him that she had done too good a job! And now she felt awful.

“I haven’t got you anything.” She glanced up into his pale face with the strikingly dark features. “I’m sorry, I’ve been busy and I wasn’t sure you’d even be here.”

“No problem.” He smiled easily. “What can you buy for the man who has everything?” It was said lightly but it was true! He was self-sufficient, satisfied with his life, master of his own destiny and yet, sometimes, when he let his guard slip, there was a vulnerability to the hard mouth, a yearning...She caught herself in amazement. Vulnerable - Ben Solo? She really was going crazy!

The lunch was delicious but Rey ate very little of it. There was a large lump lodged in her throat and her headache had worsened. It was the worst Christmas she had ever had when it should have been the best. Her career was taking off with a vengeance, Leia and Han were the happiest she had ever seen them thanks to the repaired relationship with Ben. Therein lay the root of all of her problems. She caught his eye over the festive table and he raised a glass to her. “Merry Christmas, Rey,”

“Thank you,” She told him sourly. “The same to you,”

“Many thanks,” She could see that he was struggling to check his amusement. As he continued to stare at her, his expression suddenly changed. The whiskey-colored eyes were softer now, warmer even. Rey blinked and lowered her eyes quickly. What was he playing at now?

“I’ll help with the dishes.” She marched out into the kitchen with her head held high. Maz and Chewie were spending Christmas in the village with their family. Rey leaned against the sink for a moment, looking out into the stark, cold world outside which reflected exactly how she felt inside. Naked, vulnerable, frightened, alone…Leia, Han and Ben were Solos while she would forever be the daughter of drug addicts - long dead drug addicts, and the main cause of separation between the family members. Despite the welcoming arms of Leia and Han, seeing Ben back in their lives had only shown her how much she didn’t belong. They were the Solos while she was just a nobody. She had no place in this story, in this family. Not for the first time, Rey truly felt like an interloper.

When she surfaced out of a deep but strangely uncomfortable sleep the next morning, her entire body aching from the ends of her hair to her feet. Her head was throbbing, her legs felt like lead and she couldn’t move if her life depended on it.

Han, Leia and Ben were already at the breakfast nook when she joined them. Her stomach revolted immediately at the smell of food.

“Don’t you feel well?” Leia asked in concern.

“Just a cold coming on, I think,” Rey tried to smile but the effort proved too much. “I’ll skip breakfast - just a cup of coffee, please.” She couldn’t be ill. Not now. Not in front of Ben.

“How about a piece of toast?” Leia asked. It was very unlike Rey to turn down food. “It might help to settle your stomach.”

“Sure, I’ll get some.” Rey’s voice was dull and heavy. Her legs seemed devoid of feeling as she walked to the kitchen and placed two slices of bread in the toaster. When the door opened, she knew it was Ben.

“When are you going to stop this childish behavior?”

“What?” In her surprise, she looked straight at him.

“I said when are you going to stop this stupid game of yours?” He bit out grimly. “I can accept that I’m not your favorite person and in the future, I’ll make damn sure I’m not around when you visit. But couldn’t you just try to make our parents’ Christmas a pleasant one? Mom especially has looked forward to having you home although exactly why defeats me! You are the epitome of a spoiled rotten child!” He eyed her with searing disgust.

“Look, Ben - “ He broke into her angry words.

“I suppose you’re going to skulk off to your room to avoid being with me?” He continued tightly. “Well, what about...Rey?”

As she began to fall she was conscious of the change in his voice but she was past caring. A deep roaring blackness was coming up to meet her and she had no energy to fight it. She couldn’t have quite lost consciousness because she was aware of Ben catching her. And then his voice was calling for their parents. The rest was confused. Ben carrying her to her room, Leia undressing her, and the arrival of a stern doctor who mellowed slightly after examining her in spite of the holiday.

“This nasty flu that’s going around,” She heard him say in a loud whisper to Leia as he left the room. “Coupled with the face that she’s obviously exhausted.” Her headache was blinding, her back was breaking and her mind was filled with cotton.

Rey slept all that day and the next in a daze of aching limbs, weird dreams and the endless drinks Leia presented at regular intervals, her relief at not having to face Ben paramount.

On the morning of the third day, she awoke feeling a little more human. The grinding headache was gone, though her limbs felt as though she had been run over by a freight train.

“Rey?” Leia’s look of relief brought a feeling of guilt. What a Christmas! “Are you feeling better?”

“Very,” Rey exaggerated quickly.

“Not well enough to go out, though,” Leia said, plumping her pillows.

“Go out?” Rey put a hand to her forehead. 

“The theatre? Ben’s treat, remember?”

On Christmas Eve, he had announced a Christmas present to them all. A trip to New York City for a broadway show and first-class hotel accommodations. And tonight was the night. Or wasn’t, in her case. “I’m sorry, Leia,” She said honestly. “I just don’t think I could make it.”

“Of course not,” Leia agreed briskly. “We can go another time.”

“Don’t be silly.” The thought of being by herself was actually quite attractive. “You must all go. I can look after myself, for goodness’ sake. I’m over the worst now.”

Rey was surprised to find herself drifting back to sleep in spite of having done nothing else for nearly forty-eight hours. When Leia came in later and whispered something in her ear, she was aware of giving a sensible reply. It was mid-afternoon when she surfaced again and the house was quiet. They’d all gone. She tried to remember what Leia had said. “Fridge stocked - “ and something “- was at hand.” Rey couldn’t remember hearing the rest of that sentence.

Rey climbed out of bed gingerly, annoyed that the weakness of this morning still lingered, along with a peculiar swimming sensation in her head. She felt sticky and hot and sweaty and the thought of a bath was too good to resist. Her bedroom boasted an ensuite with a shower but the main bathroom on this floor had a sunken bath that was sheer luxury, and that was what she needed.

By the time the water was running into the tub, her heart was pounding as though she’d run a marathon and a strange feeling of disorientation was making her light-headed.

The mirrored tiles showed a slim, bedraggled figure with huge eyes staring back at her under a mass of tangled brown hair. She’d wash her hair, too. And then - 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing now?”

The shock of hearing Ben’s voice right in her ear sent her toppling off the edge of the bath and into the foamy water, her night-shirt holding her down as she tried to surface. She was unceremoniously yanked, firmly and roughly, into a sitting position and opened glazed hazel eyes to see his furious face. “You’re ill! You shouldn’t be out of bed, let alone having a bath by yourself! Haven’t you got a lick of sense?”

“Stop shouting at me,” Rey tried to sound defiant but the effect was ruined by bursting into loud, uncontrollable sobs.

Ben lifted her, dripping wet and shaking helplessly, into his strong arms, and sat on the toilet seat, still holding her.

“Don’t, Rey, don’t cry,” He said, reaching for a large bathrobe to wrap around her. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have shouted but you scared the shit out of me sitting there like a zombie. I thought you were going to pass out again.”

“I nearly did with you yelling like that,” She hiccuped. “I thought I was by myself. You shouldn’t be here.”

“Mom told me you knew I was staying, that you’d agreed,” He said quietly, his gentle tone new to her ears. “I insisted they went to the show. There was no need for all of us to miss out and Mom needed a break.”

“Yes.” Her hair was dripping water down her face and she was aware that she’d soaked him, too. “I must have been dozing when she told me. I remember her coming in but that’s all.” She stared at him miserably.

“Rey?” His voice was husky. “The apologies are mounting up, aren’t they? I’m sorry I didn’t believe you were sick. I thought -”

“I know what you thought,” She interrupted. “It doesn’t matter... “ She swayed slightly and steadied herself on the edge of the marble counter. “Can I have a bath now?”

“Don’t be so ridiculous. You can barely stand up.”

“I need a bath, Ben, and I have to wash my hair now anyway, it’s all wet,” She looked up at him. “Please, I feel so gross and disgusting.” Her bottom lip trembled.

He sighed impatiently as he stood up, glancing down at his damp trousers. “Well, only if you agree to keep the door unlocked and allow me to stand guard outside. My bathrobe is hanging behind the door. You can use that when you get out.”

“Well...um…” Rey averted her gaze slightly, a flush crawling up her neck to her face. “Would you mind terribly - can you help - uh - wash my hair? My arms are sore,”

Ben said nothing, his lips a straight line, his eyes looking above her head as he gave a curt nod. Rey was thankful for the bubbles as she slid into the warm bath water. She tried not to sigh in pleasure when his large hands massaged her hair and her head. After her hair was thoroughly rinsed, Ben rose abruptly, shutting the door as he left. 

Rey didn’t linger but felt altogether different when she opened the door ten minutes later swathed in Ben’s rob and with her hair wrapped in a towel. He was waiting, as promised, and the way the damp cloth molded to the strong powerful line of his legs and inner thighs suddenly made her feel quite hot.

“Now you dry your hair and get into bed while I bring you some toast,” He said firmly as he walked her back to her bedroom.

“Ben!” She shook his arm off as they reached the door. “I’m not disabled! I’m going to get dressed and come downstairs.”

“I’m not arguing with you, Rey,” He scowled. “I’ve been reasonable now you do as I tell you. You’ve had a bad case of the flu made worse by being totally worn-out in the first place. Now get to bed and stay there for the rest of the afternoon. You can get up this evening,” He added, pushing her through the open doorway. “But only if I consider you well enough,”

“You can’t tell me what to do!”

“Shut up, Rey!” He cast one more furious look at her pale face, then turned and left. He returned a few minutes later with a tray containing two slices of buttered toast and a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. He deposited the tray on her lap without speaking and walked out again, his expression taciturn.

It was dark when she awoke, feeling much better. It was nearly seven o’clock. Ben must be downstairs.

Rey swung her feet out of bed, and although a faint weakness remained, there was no dizziness. She dressed quickly in jeans and a green sweater, looping her hair into a high ponytail and not bothering with makeup, before walking downstairs on her slippered feet.

The living room was deserted but the smell of cooking drew her into the kitchen, and as she opened the door, Ben turned from the range. “Rey? What the - ?”

As she looked at him, she had the strangest feeling that he was surrounded by an aura of light and then he was at her side, almost lifting her into a chair. “I told you to stay in bed!” She stared back at him silently as the dizziness subsided.

“I feel much better,” She protested meekly. “I was all right until I saw - ” 

“Me?” He finished, his handsome face showing none of his thoughts. “Thank you  _ so _ much. I do take it the feeling I invoked was not one of feminine weakness at my irresistible male charm?” He was joking at his own expense but he was a little too close to comfort if only he had known it.

“Are you still that frightened of me?” He asked sternly. “There’s no need to be. I wouldn’t hurt you, Rey,”

It was the ultimate in irony coming from him and she lowered her head without replying.

“Would you care for a glass of wine?” His voice was cool.

“Thank you,” She nodded and he poured a glass from the half-empty bottle on the table, refilling his own. 

“Steak and salad okay?” He checked the two juicy steaks sizzling under a very low grill. “I thought it was time you ate, and of course, I need to keep up my strength.” He was being deliberately provocative and she ignored the innuendo.

“That sounds lovely,” She said before taking a sip of wine.

“Good,” He expertly tossed the salad greens into a big wooden bowl, adding seasonings and oil and vinegar.

“Do you like cooking?” She asked, appreciating how his movements made his biceps and chest flex. The man really was ripped, she couldn’t help thinking. She looked away rather guiltily at her own lustful thoughts.

He nodded, his silky hair swaying. “Doesn’t fit in with your mental picture of me? Well, it so happens I do. At home. And I don’t mean here. Home is a pent-house apartment in a high-rise in the middle of New York. Not everyone’s preference but it suits me.”

“What sort of food do you like?”

“Chinese. But it’s difficult to get the flavor just right...one little slip and the dish is ruined.”

“Oh,”

Ben didn’t speak again as he busied himself with plates and cutlery, giving her enough time to warn herself to be more careful. His charm was lethal, and never more so than when he was unaware of it, like now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come on...he washed her hair...swoon...haha. Please comment and leave kudos so I keep trucking along here. Thanks!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and kudos! Please enjoy!

**Chapter Four**

“Was that my excellent cooking or were you just starving?” Ben nodded down at her empty plate.

“Both,” Rey smiled, her stomach full and appetite satiated. “I’ll load the dishwasher and clear up,”

“No way,” He pushed her back down. “Coffee?”

“Please,”

“You go through to the living room - there’s a fire - and I’ll bring a tray.”

When Ben entered a few minutes later she saw the black eyebrows raise fractionally as he glanced at the empty sofa by the fire but his face was expressionless as he settled the tray on a low coffee table.

“Comfortable?” 

“Yes, thank you,” She shifted slightly in the armchair.

“Come on, Rey,” He said. “I’ve no doubt where I stand with you but this is taking things too far. I have no intention of calling across the room to you. Come on.”

Rey rose slowly and seated herself hesitantly next to him, allowing the greatest amount of space between.

“Do you get tired of men telling you how beautiful you are?” They had been sitting watching the flames as they sipped coffee.

“Beautiful?” She turned to face him. “Beauty is skin-deep, Ben. It’s superficial and unimportant nor does it defy who I am or my worth.” There was no arrogance or false modesty in her tone, just a deep sincerity as she spoke the truth of the lesson she had learned years ago.

“There are few people who can surprise me these days, Rey, but you are a constant revelation.”

Ben had taken her mouth before she could reply and then there was only sensation as he drew her into his hard frame and she felt the shock of his erection, straining in his jeans. His breath was warm and pure as he covered her face in tiny urgent kisses that lit a flame of wild excitement. As his mouth returned to her parted lips, she heard herself moan with a feeling of helplessness. He felt so good, so warm, so alive.

“You’re like a drug to me, Rey, so help me…” His breath was a shuddering sigh against her hot cheek and there was a blossoming heat inside her that was destroying her ability to think, to question.

“Ben, please...I don’t want this...What gives you the right to treat me like this…?” She hated her own weakness, her desire for him. Rey was supposed to  _ hate _ this man - this man who had taken away her innocence at sixteen with his cruel words...and yet, she could not stop herself from responding to his touch. She hated herself more in that moment.

“I thought I was treating you like a twenty-six-year-old woman, Rey. A beautiful, sexy, desirable woman who wanted - “

“Wanted what?” She cut him off, annoyed that his words caused her heart to skip a beat. She lashed out, hoping to distract him from seeing how much she wanted him, needed him to touch her. “You think you’re so irresistible, is that it? That I should be grateful to stand in line with all the others?”

“Now just a damn minute!” He rose abruptly, his face clenched in anger now. “I have yet to sleep with a woman while being involved with another and I sure as hell wouldn’t start with you! Can you say the same?” The last words were aggressively hostile and she realized that he was referring to Finn.

“I’m going to bed.” She rose with immense pride which dissolved in a flash at his cruel laugh.

“Do I take it that is not meant as an invitation?”

How dare he make a joke at such a time? “You’re despicable.”

“So? I really don’t know what’s the matter with you, Rey. But I’m getting tired of being made to feel like some masochist.”

“What’s the matter with me?” The injustice was too painful to ignore. “I suppose that day in the summer was a figment of my imagination, is that it? It never happened?”

“I wondered when we would get around to that,” He said tightly, brown eyes boring into hazel. “I apologize - what more can I do?” 

But she didn’t want an apology...she wanted him to  _ care _ that he’d hurt her. “Yes, you apologized.” She agreed emptily.

“Rey? Can we talk about it?”

“There’s no point?” She said wearily, pushing back unwelcome tears. “I don’t want to talk about anything with you, Ben.”

“And that’s the final line? No reprieve?”

“I don’t trust you,” She said. “I can’t.”

“The hell you can’t! You  _ won’t _ \- that’s different.”

“I’m not doing this with you, Ben,” 

The piercing gaze held her spellbound although every instinct in her body was telling her leave...she couldn’t. There was something in the deep, rasping voice that was terrifying.

“Maybe talking won’t get us anywhere,” He agreed softly as he moved to stand in front of her. “You might despise and hate me but we both know there’s something between us that can render all your objections moot.”

“You mean fucking?” She said baldly, trying to break the intimacy that had her longing to rest her head against that broad chest while his mouth covered hers. “Is this the line you give all your women?”

Ben swore, softly and succinctly even as he reached forward and took her into his arms and just for a second she was too surprised to react. “Dear God, Rey...tell me no - run if you have you to -”

Rey did neither, giving into her yearning, her desire for him. She would be in charge of this. Reaching up to tangle one hand into the soft, silky hair, steadying his head for her possession, Rey jumped into his arms. Her mouth slid over his, thrusting her tongue automatically to taste his unique flavor. His large hands grasped her ass, holding her tightly to him as he returned the kiss passionately. His lips were hard and fiery as his tongue explored the soft flesh of her mouth. His arms cradled her close with a kind of fierce tenderness - as though he needed to absorb her into his very being.

It was violent and consuming and yet achingly tender, and she found herself racing in a hot, sensory intoxication that was as frightening as it was thrilling. Now his mouth was warm and sensual against her lips, his large hands massaging her pert butt. Rey trailed her hands from his hair to his broad, tense shoulders, her hips rolling unconsciously against the heavy erection barely contained in his jeans. She moaned at the sensation and did it again. She wanted to tear off his shirt to see if he was indeed ripped. She wanted to feel every inch of his muscled body against hers.

Rey tore her mouth from his, panting harshly at his thrusting hips. As they sank to the floor together, she was conscious of one moment of sheer panic and then it was gone, lost in the feel and smell of him. His mouth was hot and insistent but then the ache that his lovemaking had aroused was shattered as the harsh, shrill notes of one of their cell phones exploded her back into reality.

Ben froze and then moved off her in one swift motion that brought him upright as he snatched the phone and spoke into it in a sharp, clipped voice that was at odds with his shaking hands. As she sat up slowly, he disconnected the call and turned to lean against the sofa with his back to her.

“Ben?” Her voice was a broken whisper.

“You see how it is?” He asked tonelessly. “You’re playing with fire, Rey,”

“Fire?” She looked up at his broad back as she rose to her feet, rather unsteadily.

“Yes, fire,” He snarled softly, turning to face her. “Keep away from me, Rey, do you understand?”

“But I thought - “

“You don’t like me, Rey.” His laugh was without humor. “And who can blame you? We both know I’m no innocent but that’s exactly what you are. The fact that I can seduce you is of no credit to me and the fact that I want to, even less. I’m a monster, Rey. I almost took advantage of you. It’s best you leave me alone. Now just go,”

“Go?” She repeated the word disbelievingly.

“Now!”

Rey heard the car start outside without believing it at first. But after sitting in stunned silence for a moment, she leaped up and ran to the front door just in time to see a swirl of black drive off. He had gone? He couldn’t have. She turned suddenly and walked into the warmth of the house, shutting the door so violently that its bang vibrated the floor.

Later that night, after Han and Leia had returned home happy and glowing, she escaped to her room. It was after midnight when she heard muffled voices in the hall.

“Rey?” Leia’s light knock at her bedroom door caught her unawares. “Rey, are you awake?” Leia’s voice was a soft whisper as she peered around the door. “Ben’s on the phone,”

When Leia had left, assuming she was asleep, and all was quiet again, Rey found she was dry-eyed at last but with a strange kind of guilty emptiness.

Why had he called? Had he wanted to talk to her or…? She curled up into a tight ball under the covers as her stomach twisted in a giant knot. She only has herself to blame. She had let those few words that he had spoken ten years ago taint her opinion of him until she had been blind to the real man. She had painted him black - and now there was a chasm between them which was quite uncrossable.

And she would have liked to get to know him. Even as she let her mind voice the thought, his words came back to her in painful clarity. “You’re playing with fire…” He clearly didn’t want to know her! And why should he? Apart from the insults she had thrown at him, the barely concealed dislike and aggressiveness, she just wasn’t his type. His women were sophisticated, wise to the world, skilled in the bedroom girl bosses. Could she ever be like that?

No, she couldn’t, she admitted to herself honestly. But just at this moment, it was bleak comfort. He had gone without even saying goodbye, and that said it all.

“Rey?” Finn’s voice was gentle as he faced her over the small table for two. “Who is he?”

“What?” She stared back into the handsome boyish face in surprise.

“There’s someone who’s put those shadows under your eyes.” Finn touched her face lightly. “You love him, don’t you? Is it Ben Solo?”

“Please, don’t be so ridiculous!” She took a big gulp of the dry white wine that accompanied the seabass. “You know Ben and I hate each other!” 

“There’s a thin line between love and hate, Rey,” Finn said wisely.

Rey snorted, rolling her eyes. “Trust me, Finn...he could not make it any more obvious how much he does not want me,” She shrugged slightly. “I’m just an outsider, really. Ben is their real son while I’m just...me,”

Finn grasped her hand in comfort. “No, Rey, you’ve accomplished so much, survived so much. Besides, Leia and Han will always be there for you, you know that,”

Rey could only nod, tears swimming behind those hazel eyes. “I know that but sometimes...I feel like an intruder. Even more so now that Ben is back in their lives. I don’t know how much longer I can endure being near him - near them - knowing and feeling the way I do! Finn, the man hates me and it hurts - it hurts so much,”

Finn’s eyes roamed across her stricken face. “Well, I’m not one to argue but I’d bet good money that he is definitely interested. That look in his eyes at his parents’ house was not hate. Are you sure he doesn’t feel the same way?”

“Finn, please, just leave it. We’ve never hit if off but there does seem to be some sort of physical attraction. It means less than nothing now, anyway.” 

“Okay, Rey, have it your way.” Finn let the subject drop.

How she got through the rest of the evening she didn’t know but the second Finn left her apartment a few hours later, she had to face the fact that her brain had been screaming at her even since his concerned enquiry. She loved Ben Solo.

_ She loved Ben? _ “No!” She paced the apartment furiously, telling herself that Ben was the last man in the world to love. Totally self-sufficient, needing and wanting no one, and yet…

Rey got ready for bed slowly, lingering under the shower as she let the warm water mingle with the tears on her uplifted face. It was time to face facts...she had always loved Benjamin Luke Skywalker Organa Solo. The knowledge had been tucked away deep in her subconscious since that troubled summer when she was sixteen and he had hurt her so deeply.

_ “So you’re the girl I’ve heard so much about,” She still remembered their first exchange. “Don’t look so scared, kid, this lot won’t bite,” _

_ “I’m not scared,” She had lied bravely and Ben had chuckled. _

_ “You aren’t? Good for you? Most of them scare the hell out of me.” _

_ Rey had laughed at that. “I’ve never felt so alone...being here…” _

_ “You’re not alone,” _

_ “Neither are you,” _

She had asked his name then, and after introductions had been completed she had tagged along with him for the duration of the afternoon until that catastrophic return to the house when she had overheard his conversation with Han.

She lay in bed with her head spinning and her brain buzzing with a thousand words. After an hour of hair tossing and turning, she flung the covers aside and reached for some stationary. She would send him a thank you card for the earrings and for taking care of her over the holidays. That had been her intent anyway...only now she was writing about their last meeting, saying it had been a mistake she was sure he regretted as much as she and that, if only for Han and Leia, it would be better for them to just forget about it and to try and be civil. Rey texted Leia to get Ben’s New York address and had the card posted the next morning.

It was as she was relaxing on her couch, flipping through Netflix one evening two weeks later that the doorbell rang. Rey had really been looking forward to wine and tv, having come off a particularly frustrating and busy work-week, so she was not in the best of moods at the interruption. Swearing swiftly under her breath, she marched to the door and swung it open with a ferocious scowl on her face.

“Hi, there,”

If the ground beneath her feet had opened, she couldn’t have been more shocked as she stared into Ben’s wary, unsmiling eyes.

“Is there any reason for the scary face or do you usually greet visitors with such charm?” He asked mockingly.

“Ben!” She stared at him helplessly.

“Rey!” He answered softly. “Do we stand here all night or am I permitted inside?” 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” She stepped back. “Come in, please. It’s just so unexpected…”

“Could I have a cup of coffee?” He obviously realized he wasn’t going to get much sense out of her. “I drove straight here and I haven’t eaten since breakfast,”

“Drove straight here?”

“From New York,” He said blandly. The card? Her stomach turned over in anticipation.

“But you could have stopped for dinner.”

He looked at her for a long moment and then said, “I thought you might not have eaten as it is still quite early. Have you?”

“No - I - ah, I was going to order in and watch Netflix,”

“Can I join you, Rey? I think we need to talk,”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the comments and kudos...it warms my heart that everyone is enjoying the story.

**Chapter Five**

Rey couldn’t help but sneak glances at him over their dinner of chicken katsu and vegetable tempura. The food was delicious but her whole being was concentrated on the pale, cold face opposite. Not for the first time, she wondered why he was here. Didn’t he know how much it pained her that she couldn’t be in his presence without wanting to throw herself into his arms? He looked tired, she thought sadly, but just as handsome as she remembered. Handsome, wealthy, experienced...he was laughably out of her league, she thought wryly. He was a ten while she was a three or four on a good day. She felt a sad, wry pain catch at her heartstrings as the last clinging hope that she could ever mean anything more than a friend died a swift death. He lived on the same planet but in a different world! She smiled grimly to herself. She was such a fool...falling in love with a man who had once referred to her as a _nobody_.

“You’re doing it again.” His voice was cool.

“Sorry?” She looked up to find the dark eyes firmly fixed on her face.

“Giving the impression that you’re in the company of the devil himself. Try, just for this evening, to look as though you’re enjoying my company?”

“I’m sorry, Ben. I didn’t mean - “

“And no apologies,” He said softly. 

Rey had no retort, going back to chewing her food.

“You know...I’d always resented you, Rey,”

Her eyes shot back to his in surprise. “You resented me? How...why?”

Ben leaned back in his chair, his eyes narrowed. “I remember being fourteen and losing my mother,”

Rey bit her lower lip, understanding. She had never looked at it from his perspective but could see how he was justified to feel that way. For twelve years, he had been under the impression that his own mother had abandoned him and his father.

“You had Mom for twelve years, Rey, then another ten...of course, I resented you.” Ben’s slight shrug was anything but.

“Well, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry, Ben.”

“No, Rey. I should be apologizing. Mom finally told me what happened...apparently, she’s been seeing a therapist for a while and, only now has been able to overcome her demons to speak about it,” Ben shook his head, his shoulders slumping slightly. “I was so selfish - am still selfish but I thought you stole my mother, Rey. I maybe even hated you when we first met and for that, I’m truly sorry.”

Ben couldn’t have hurt her more than he did if he’d pierced her heart with a samurai sword. His guilty conscience had brought him here tonight...it hadn’t been his desire to see her. It made so much sense, Rey thought. Why would he want to see her out of the blue? He had learned the whole truth from Leia and was now trying to make amends for his past behavior.

“You didn’t know, Ben. Besides, I don’t need your pity. It was years ago and, honestly, I was young then so I didn’t really understand any of it.” Rey shrugged, averting her eyes so he couldn’t see the tears. “If it makes you feel any better, Leia spoke about you all the time. She missed you so much, Ben.”

“I missed her, too,” 

Rey nodded. “I’m glad you reconciled, Ben. They - ah - your parents really love you,”

Ben didn’t answer, carefully cleaning up the remnants of their dinner. He was frowning slightly and seemed distracted when she offered to make them coffee.

“Is everything all right, Ben?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know,” She floundered. “You just seem a little preoccupied, not your usual self.”

“And what, in your opinion, is my ‘usual self’?”

She stared at him silently, and neither of them said anything for a full minute. 

“To answer your question, no, everything is not all right,” He said sardonically. “And you are quite right, I am not my normal self. Okay?”

“I forgive you, Ben, so you needn’t feel guilty on my account. I don’t want your pity. I survived, I overcame. Like I mentioned in the card I sent you, we might not like each other but we can be civil for your parents’ sake. But I do - I do care about your well-being, Ben. Now, tell me what’s wrong?” She pushed. “Is it business problems?”

“Not exactly.” He looked at her tightly.

“Can I help at all?” She asked quietly. He looked at her for a long moment, and as she held his gaze she felt her heart begin to pound madly, the rhythm erratic and uncontrolled. There was an expression in his eyes that defied description. He was hurting badly, she could feel it, but he wasn’t going to let her in, she could feel that too. Was it a woman?

“Woman trouble?” She kept her voice light, distracting herself by taking a sip of coffee, looking anywhere else but at him.

“Just so.” The deep voice was laconic. “And you?” He paused but still couldn’t look into his face at that moment. “How’s Finn?”

“Finn?” For a crazy moment, she wondered who Finn was. “Oh - I think he’s fine, I haven’t seen him in days,” Ben’s fallen for someone, her head was screaming.

“Why not?”

“Oh, I’ve been busy, he’s been busy - you know how it is,” She said faintly before jumping up to clear their coffee cups. 

“Yes,” He answered her in a strangely abstracted way. He was standing in front of her now, reaching out, using his fingers to turn her face towards him. “Rey, Rey...you have to understand - “

The ringing of her cell phone made her jump and his hand fell down as a wry twist curved his mouth. “Saved again,”

“Did you need saving?” She asked nervously at his low growl of a laugh.

“Not me, sweetheart, you,”

“Hiya, Finn,” As she spoke, she was aware of a slow trembling starting in the pit of her stomach as Ben moved to stand behind her, drawing her against him.

“Rey?” Finn’s voice was loud enough for Ben to hear. “How are you, peanut?” It was his usual form of address and meant nothing but as Ben stiffened and moved away she knew he had misunderstood the affection in Finn’s voice.

“Well, Finn,” As Ben walked into the attached living room she took a long, deep breath. Hurry up, Finn, please, she thought weakly.

“Have I been too busy to keep an eye on my favorite girl?” Finn asked lightly.

“Stop worrying,” She said softly.

“What are friends for?” Finn’s voice was gentle. “Someone has to keep an eye on you!”

“And you do it very well,” She countered. “But now is not the time.”

“Company?” Finn asked warily. “Oh, no, Rey, don’t tell me it’s Ben?”

“Yes,” She heard him groan. “Why did you answer the phone? Geez...I’ll see you at work, okay?”

“Okay,” 

“You needn’t have cut it short on my account,” Ben said icily as she joined him. “I’m sure you two have lots to talk about, having missed a few days.”

“Not really,” She looked at him blankly.

“He’s about your age, isn’t he?” Ben continued. “You obviously have a lot in common - work, friends and so on.”

“I suppose so,” She was at a loss to understand the sudden change of mood. “Finn’s just a good friend,”

“I’m sure he is,” He said curtly as he glanced at the apple watch on his wrist. “It’s later than I thought, Rey. I’d better take a raincheck on Netflix,”

“Oh, but - “

“Goodbye,” He barely glanced at her as he left the apartment, his body tight and rigid and his profile enigmatic as he passed her.

 _When are you going to get it through your thick head that you mean nothing to him?_ She was a vague member of his family at best and a nobody at worst, that was all, and now there was someone else in his life. As the tears came, hot and fierce, she wished with all her heart that she could hate him but it was too late. Far, far too late. The saddest, loneliest words in any language.

Rey was still in a state of despair when she chanced upon him a few weeks later in New York City. She and Leia had planned a day to visit some museums, do lunch and shop for some much-needed bonding time. As much as she would have liked to stay at home, eating ice cream and binge-watching the latest Chinese dramas Netflix had to offer, she knew that she couldn’t.

“Wasn’t the Guggenheim just beautiful? I thought I’d be dizzy from the spiral but it wasn’t even noticeable,” Leia smiled. “But I am starving...let’s try Lidia’s restaurant, shall we? I’ve heard good things,”

Rey forced a smile during the taxi ride into Midtown even as her heart was breaking. She was in the same city as Ben...and probably the woman he loved as well. 

“Ben?” Leia’s voice shook her out of her thoughts.

Rey paid the driver before stepping out with her aunt. “Ben? What?” Then she saw them.

Ben was smiling, his hand on the small of her back as they exited the eatery. He leaned down to catch whatever it was the elegant woman was saying before laughing at her - no doubt - witty joke. His face looked younger, happier than Rey had ever seen him. The sight was bittersweet. She was happy that he was happy - she was, damn it! But why couldn’t it be with her? She’d never seen him be that loose or carefree with her, she thought enviously. Well, not that she could blame him. Afterall, his companion was a sophisticated beauty with her raven hair, red peacoat and expensive knee-high boots. She was the total opposite of Rey, who was dressed for the biting New York winter in a long puffer coat, fleece-lined jeans and old Ugg boots. She looked more like a college student than a junior software engineer.

“Ben! Darling!” Leia greeted her son warmly with a hug and a kiss before turning towards his companion for introductions.

“Bazine, this is my mother, Leia and - uh - her niece, Rey Johnson,”

Rey flushed at his hesitation. No, Rey was not Leia’s niece...he could have just said adopted daughter but that might link them as siblings and Rey knew Ben wanted no connection to her whatsoever. “Hello, Bazine, nice to meet you,” Rey shook the other woman’s hand before turning to look at Ben. “Ben,”

Ben only nodded curtly. “I didn’t know you would be visiting today or we could have made plans for lunch, Mom,”

Leia smiled. “It was a spur of the moment thing. Just doing some girl bonding and seeing the city. I didn’t want to interrupt your busy work week.”

Rey fidgeted slightly under Bazine’s intense rather invasive stare. Was the older woman’s curiosity malicious or benevolent?

“You are Rey...ah,” Bazine smirked at Ben. “Ben was not wrong in his description of you,” 

“Well, as long as he didn’t refer to me as a god-awful nobody, I’m fine,”

Ben arched a brow at that, the smile leaving his lips automatically and his face even paler than usual. 

“Let’s go, Rey. I’m starving. Ben, we’ll talk soon. Bazine, it was nice meeting you,” Leia quickly said their goodbyes before walking into the restaurant.

“Bazine seemed nice,” Rey spoke after they’d placed their order. She took a sip of her white wine, hoping to dull the ache in her chest. She’d been right...Ben had, indeed, found someone. Someone who suited him perfectly.

Leia peered thoughtfully at Rey. “I trust Ben’s judgment,”

“They make a fine couple, I think,” Rey continued cheerfully.

“Hm,”

“Aren’t you looking forward to grandkids, Leia?” Even to Rey’s ears, she sounded almost fake.

“Of course but…it's Ben's decision, not mine,” Leia shrugged. “How are you doing, my dear? Han and I can’t help but feel like you’re avoiding us a tad,”

Rey looked up in surprise to find Leia’s eyes sparkling with tears and worry. “Oh, Leia, it’s not that...it’s just, well, since Ben’s back, I didn’t - “

“What, Rey? You didn’t think I’d want to see my daughter?” Leia whispered.

“Daughter...you see me as your daughter?”

“Of course, Rey. I may not have carried you in my womb and we might not have met under normal circumstances but I have been your mother from the moment you ran into my arms twenty-two years ago,” Leia was crying now, her emotions laid bare. “I have loved you for just as long, Rey,”

“Oh, Leia...I was afraid - I was so scared that you and Han - after Ben came back -“ Rey’s voice broke, unable to finish. _You wouldn’t need me to fill your child's place, anymore._

Leia grasped the younger woman’s hand warmly, squeezing it tightly. “Never, Rey. If anything, with Ben back, it only made me realize how much we love you both so much,” 

Rey nodded, her smile tremulous as she finally believed. She did belong with Leia and Han, anyway. She had them, at least and over time, Rey was convinced, the pain would lessen, her heartache would dull, her love for Ben would wane. Even as she wished it, she knew it was inevitable. Rey was a one-man woman, it seemed.

When Rey arrived home that evening, she only felt slightly better...well as best as anyone who’d just met the _love_ of the love of her life. Ben’s beautiful sophisticated love of his life. The sharp sound of her cell ringing pulled her out of her misery. Frowning slightly, she answered the unknown number.

“Why did you refer to yourself as a god-awful nobody?” Came the deep voice.

Rey was so startled that she almost dropped the phone. “Excuse me? Ben, how did you…?”

“I got your number from Mom. Now, tell me...why did you call yourself a god-awful nobody earlier today?”

“Well…”

“Did you hear me and Dad that day, years ago, Rey?” Ben’s voice was hollow.

Rey gripped the phone tighter. “It was an accident, Ben - I hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, you see,”

“But you heard it all?”

“Yes,” Rey answered breathlessly.

“Fuck,” Ben growled. “Rey, you must know that it was all said in anger. I didn’t mean it, of course.”

“It’s okay, Ben. I understand that now...but...but, back then it - your words really hurt me.” Rey said truthfully, shakily. “I took your words to heart and transformed myself to be a better person. But I realize now that I am responsible for who I am today. Your words might have been the catalyst and Leia and Han’s love also helped but, in the end, it was all me. I may not be elegant or beautiful or important but I - I’m happy with who I am. This is the best version of me,”

“Rey - Rey - “

“Well, that’s not totally true about being happy,” She snorted, tears rolling down her cheeks now.

“You’re not happy?” 

“Not exactly,” Rey took a deep shuddering breath. “I have a great job, great friends but I love someone who doesn’t love me back,”

There was a long pause. “Is it Finn, Rey? Whoever he is, do you want me to handle him?”

Rey laughed through her heartache. “No, it’s not Finn.”

“Then…”

“There’s only ever been one person for me, Ben Solo. It had started as a crush but ten years later, it became something more. I fought it, I really did - I mean, he’s way out of my league. I have no place in his story, I come from nothing, I’m nothing...and yet…”

“Who is the bastard that broke your heart, Rey? I’ll kill him with my bare hands,”

“Now why would do all that for me, Ben? We’re nothing - “ Rey tried to cut in but it seemed Ben hadn’t heard her.

“Did he really say you’re not beautiful, Rey? Did he really call you nothing...because you’re not, not to me,”

“Wait...what? What did you say, Ben?” Rey held her breath.

“Who is the fool, Rey? Give me his name and I swear that I’ll ruin him…”

“Ben...Solo…” Rey said.

“That’s my name, sweetheart...now tell me his. Who is the bastard that broke your heart?”

“I love you, Ben Solo,” Rey barely registered the click but looking down at her phone, she saw that he had disconnected the line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it might just be one more chapter then the epilogue.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Ben Solo, at thirty-six, considered himself a man of a certain cynicism. He’d seen too much of the world, been privy to some sensitive information, been the target of many money-hungry models and actresses. Luckily for him, he’d developed a hard shell, never letting anyone close to him - ever. He had contracts, NDAs, lawyers on hands to prevent false pregnancy claims, stupid lawsuits and the like. He was always careful with the people in his life, especially the women, choosing like-minded women that didn’t believe in attachment and were of a similar status as him. Therefore, Ben possessed more than enough experience in how to handle the dealings of the world - the media, the culture, the politics, the sex. Yes, Ben Solo was truly a capable man, able to put most of the world at bay. He’d excelled at it the last ten years when he’d distanced himself from his parents, focusing on his career, traveling and dating. 

Still, something had been missing. When Leia had shown up last summer, the hole had closed a little. It had taken a few visits but Ben had finally allowed himself to forgive Leia’s absence during his teen years. That had been easy enough considering Leia had been in the witness protection program. Seeing his father again had further closed the hole in his life...Han who had been his single parent until he was twenty-six, who Ben had missed during their estrangement. Considering his relationship with his parents mended, Ben had been certain his life was back in order. He had everything he’d ever wanted out of life...a great career separate from his father’s, a penthouse apartment overlooking Central Park, the love of both his parents, access to the best restaurants, museums, Broadway shows, a healthy social life.

But his world had come crashing down the moment he’d opened the door of his parents’ home that night in August. It had been so unexpected and sudden. The woman of his dreams was standing there...with hatred in her eyes...directed towards him. Physically, she’d been his version of perfection from the top of her silky brown hair, her wide hazel eyes, the adorable sprinkling of freckles across her pert nose, the sensually full lips, her stubborn chin, long neck and lithe athletic build. After getting to know her, Ben had realized that the dream - his dream was real. She was intelligent, selfless, cute, lively...but she hated him. Hate at first sight for her and love at first sight for him.

All his seductive methods had mostly failed him then. Ben had tried - he really did - to be a gentleman but she surprised him at every turn. Hell, she brought out the most primal, possessive...cave-man side of him. It was a wonder, really, that he could even string words together to form sentences when all he wanted to do was drown in her eyes, hold her in his arms, cherish her and hide her away from the cold, unforgiving world. Suddenly, he’d found himself jealous of that Finn guy...well, really jealous of everyone she bestowed her bright smiles upon. He wanted to hide her in a closet - or rather - his bedroom. Ben had wanted her with such ferocity that it had scared him and perhaps her, as well. And to find out that he’d hurt her with his stupidly rash words all those years ago...if Ben could kick his own ass he would.

Shaking his head slightly, groaning, he pulled his Tesla into a parking spot in front of her apartment. If it took the rest of his life, he would make it up to her, Ben promised.

Rey didn’t know how long she was staring at her phone...at least ninety minutes maybe? Oh, God...she’d done it. She’d told him she loved him and there was no turning back now. Shutting her eyes, she slowly slid down onto her knees, her hands clenched over her heart. How would she survive all future family gatherings now...all the holiday dinners...his wedding to Bazine...when he knew her true feelings for him...feelings he did not return.  _ Oh, God, oh, God… _ Her entire body shook with the force of her grief, the pain too deep for tears, and after a long time rose slowly like an old woman and walked through into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee.

The ring at the doorbell didn’t surprise her; she felt as though she had fallen into a kind of vacuum where nothing would ever move her again. She padded into her small foyer and opened the front door.

“Rey?”

Slamming the door in Ben’s face was instinctive but he reacted just as quickly, stopping it with his foot as he moved forward. “Is that how you greet the man you love, sweetheart?”

Rey shook her head, disbelieving her eyes. “What? Why are you here...shouldn’t you be in New York?”

“Rey?” He reached out and rubbed her arms gently. “I was already on my way here when I called you, sweetheart. I - I rushed here because I needed to hear the words from you, Rey, in person.” The brown eyes were more intense than she had ever seen them. “But first, let me explain myself,”

Rey led him into the living room where they sat facing each other, knees barely touching. Her hands were clenched at her lap as she braced herself for his final rejection.

“That night at the barbecue, when you heard me talking to Dad - “ He stopped abruptly, his face ashen. “Hell, Rey! You must believe I didn’t mean a word I said. I was angry and hurt and I just lashed out blindly. I didn’t mean the things I said about Mom or you. I might have resented you a little but after spending just a few minutes with you, I’d thought how sweet and shy you were, so different from most of the crowd there. If I’d have known you heard me…” He drove one hand through his unruly hair, clearly agitated. “I hated myself afterwards for what I said that day. Can you believe that?”

“Yes, I believe you,”

“But Dad and I had never gotten along, and within weeks he had given me an ultimatum. Accept you and Mom completely or get out of his life. I chose the latter.” He shook his head at the memory. “Crazy really, and so like both of us. I’m more like him than I care to admit. But I was filled with a strange kind of hate-love for him. Hate at the way he could so easily forgive Mom for abandoning us, and love for him as my father and sole parent for twelve years. But I couldn’t have put it into words then, it was buried too deep. But you made me realize that I had spent a good deal of my adult life running away - from normal life, commitment, love. And all along, I’d got it wrong. Misjudged things totally.” He paused, drawing in a shaky breath, his eyes holding hers.

He slowly knelt down in front of her, making her stomach muscles tighten at his closeness, at the familiar scent of his aftershave and the gleaming darkness of his hair as his head came down on a level with hers. 

“I’ve been a blind fool, Rey. I’ve wasted years chasing success and living the life of a bachelor, terrified of putting any roots down, of establishing ties. I chose my women for their sophistication, for their ability to be as cool as I was. None of them touched my heart, Rey. Not until -” He looked at her tightly.

This was it, she thought painfully. This was the moment of truth about the other woman, about Bazine. Rey almost flinched at the raw emotion in his eyes...his love for  _ this _ woman very evident in his dark eyes. She opened her mouth to protest, not wanting to hear the other woman’s name on his lips but instead found her mouth captured under his. As he took her into his arms, she was too amazed to react, but then, as she felt the fierceness of his lips, her mind stood still. It was a long, deep kiss and her head was swimming when he raised his head, his face flushed with passion.

“You, Rey. There has never been anyone but you, Rey.”

She stared at him, her eyes huge on her beautiful face.

“You’ll never know how you affected me that night I opened the door and saw the woman of my dreams standing there.” He said huskily, his hand caressing her nape. “And then I got to know you and the hell of it was, the dream was real. I’d never imagined that someone like you still existed in this cynical world. But I knew all along there was no chance. Even if you hadn’t loathed me on sight, you deserve someone like Finn, who hasn’t been contaminated by life the way I have.”

“What are you saying, Ben?” Rey finally spoke, unaware of the tears sliding down her face.

Ben shrugged even as he smiled, his own eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I love you, Rey Johnson,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoping for some fluff and smut in the epilogue.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all the readers. You have kept me going until the end. I am so happy to have finished this fan fiction. I apologize beforehand as I am not a great writer of smut nor do I know how to properly end a story. Thanks again!

**Chapter Seven**

“Finally, darling...finally, you are now the person you were always meant to be...Rey Solo,” Leia sounded breathless, wiping at the corners of her eyes for what must be the thousandth time today. 

It had been Leia who had walked Rey down the aisle, their hands clasped together, holding complementing bouquets of gerbera daisies and calla lilies towards the Solo men who stood waiting for them. Han, looking so handsome and proud, stood beside his son, acting as his best man. Leia’s twin brother, the reclusive Luke Skywalker, had surprised them by wanting to officiate the wedding of his only nephew. Ben hadn’t been too keen on the idea but Rey had cajoled him and of course, he couldn’t deny her anything. That was why Finn had been her man of honor...Finn who was currently hitting it off with Ben’s university friend, Poe Dameron.

“Thank you, Le...Mom, for everything,” Rey pulled the other woman into a warm embrace.

“Oh, Rey, I’ve always wanted you to call me that but I didn’t want to pressure you,” Leia whispered. “You mean everything to me, darling...you and Ben and Han.”

“I know, Mom, I know,” Rey continued to hug the woman who had given her so much - time, patience, shelter, love. If not for this woman, Rey was sure her life would have been way worse. The two women swayed slowly to the music, oblivious to the gentle eyes of their husbands watching them.

“You did good, Ben,” Han said, hand clasping the other man’s broad shoulder.

“Yes, I did, Dad, but you and Mom definitely helped.” Ben grinned sheepishly. “I know it’s weird but I’m kind of glad that we didn’t talk for ten years,” 

“I missed you, kid,” Han arched an eyebrow in question.

“I missed you, too, Dad. What I mean is, because I was gone for ten years, I didn’t grow up with Rey so I never saw her as a sister or cousin or whatever you call it. She was already a grown woman when I rediscovered her,” Ben’s smile only grew wider as he thought back to the past six months. He’d proposed that very night at her apartment and proceeded to move his life from New York to Coruscant to be closer to Rey and his parents. And now that their wedding was here, they could finally move into their recently built home on property that bordered Han and Leia’s. Oh, God, six long months of deep kisses and heavy petting but Ben refused to go further, wanting Rey to have the perfect wedding night.

“Really, Ben, you do not have to carry me over the threshold,” Rey swatted at his arms, giggling with happiness.

“Are you kidding me, sweetheart? I’ve been waiting six months for this!” Ben nuzzled her neck, bringing them inside the house. He didn’t let go of her until they were in their large master bedroom which their wedding planner had thoughtfully decorated with rose petals, chilled champagne and candles. It was all so perfectly romantic. 

“I love you, Rey Solo,” Ben wanted this night to be perfect for his perfect wife.

“And I love you, Ben Solo,” Rey had no time to be shy, her need for him too great as she fitted her mouth over his.

Ben sighed into her mouth, content for the moment with her wrapped in his arms as they kissed slowly. His hands went to the back of her dress, unzipping the wedding gown and letting it fall to the floor. Rey was undoing his bow-tie, unbuttoning his shirt and soon, he was bare-chested and stripped down to just his boxer briefs and socks. Rey moaned, her hands squeezing his defined biceps, his broad shoulders, his hard chest and the back of his muscular thighs. She felt the shiver of Ben’s response and heard the thick, stifled sound of his groan. At once, the kiss deepened, their tongues engaging in a game of enter and retreat. Rey wasn’t even aware of them moving until she felt the back of her knees hit the bed. Ben placed her gently in the middle of the soft sheets.

“You’re so beautiful, Rey,” Ben moved back, his eyes stormy with passion as they took in the white corset, panties and garter that she wore. He made quick work disposing of the undergarments. “So beautiful,” His hands swept up her body until her breasts were cupped in his palms. The sweet pressure felt so good that Rey couldn’t control a whimper. When he brushed her nipples with his thumbs, she had to bite her lip against a wild cry of pleasure. He teased her gently, hotly, tugging at her breasts until her nipples were hard and radiating bursts of fire that consumed her. 

“Please, Ben,” Rey threaded her fingers through his soft silky hair, urging him silently. She arched in helpless reflex when his tongue touched the tight peak of her breast. Pleasure shimmered through Rey’s body. She cried out, thrusting her aching nipple more deeply into his mouth, even as her hips moved in languid, sinuous rhythms. Ben’s teeth raked tenderly and she cried out again. This time when she moved her hips, there was an answering warmth and pressure as his hand eased between her thighs, tenderly cupping her softness. He stroked her slowly, gently, drinking in her small cries and she opened to his touch, withholding none of herself.

“Perfect, sweetheart,” Ben’s voice was deep and ragged with desire. “You’re so perfect,”

Rey’s eyes shimmered with tears, her breath catching as she caught his intense gaze. She reached down to stroke his dick - which was so  _ fucking _ big. She understood the mechanics but how the hell was this going to work.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, you’ll take me,” Ben’s reassuring smile was tight as she tentatively worked him in short strokes. He grunted, his eyes closed in ecstasy. “Wait, sweetheart...I want this to last...let me take care of you first,”

Ben was shaking with his need to take her, the tenuous grip on his control almost slipping away. But he wanted to please her, to taste her, to cherish her. He kissed her again, a long, hot, wet kiss that drove both of them wild. He finally dragged his mouth away from hers and moved lower, leaving searing open-mouthed kisses at the base of her throat, at the top of her chest, at the valley between her breasts. His lips sucked a path down the flat of her stomach, his tongue dipping into her navel to stroke and tease. Then he leaned down further and placed a kiss at the top of her mound.

“Ben, what - “

“Yes,”

Rey moaned as his mouth covered her pussy, and his tongue, dear God, his tongue was rubbing against her, and she became consumed with white-hot pleasure so intense, she forgot her earlier doubts. Her hips rose instinctively up to meet more of his touch, her fingernails digging into his shoulder blades as he continued pleasuring her with his teeth and tongue. Ben shifted to his side and slowly eased his finger up inside her tight sheath. His thumb found her clit hidden between the folds and Rey’s reaction damn near snapped his own control. He’d never had a woman respond to him with such honesty or such abandon.

“Ben, I -”

“It’s okay, Rey...come for me,” 

Rey seemed to come apart inside, crying out his name as tears slid down her cheeks from the intense pleasure. Ben felt her tremors and spread her thighs wider before positioning himself fully between them. HIs cock was right there are her entrance, hard and thick and ready.

“Look at me, sweetheart,” He whispered in a husky demand. “I love you, forever and always,” 

“I love you, forever and always,” Rey answered, smiling. “I’m ready,”

He covered her mouth with his, even as he pressed his hips down, slowly thrusting himself inside her. She was so tight but wet - able to take him almost all the way. Her little moans and whimpers reassured him that he wasn’t hurting her. 

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” Ben leaned down until their foreheads were touching, grimacing slightly against the incredible pleasure of her wrapped so warmly and tightly around him.

Rey nodded. “It feels good, Ben...don’t stop,”

He smiled then, before kissing her brow, then the bridge of her nose and finally captured her mouth for a long, passionate kiss. His hand moved between their joined bodies and he began to stroke at her clit. He started to move, slowly at first so she could adjust to his size.

“You feel so good...so perfect, Rey,” Ben moaned against her lips. 

His thrusts were deeper now, bringing himself to the hilt before retreating almost all the way and then pushing himself back in again, over and over, again and again. She lifted her hips to take more of him, her legs wound around his hips and her nails digging into his back. The pressure building inside her was becoming unbearable. Just when she was certain she was going to die from the intensity of the feelings flooding her senses, he become more forceful, more demanding. His hips changed angles and his fingers plucked at her clit, pushing her further and further towards a mind-blowing orgasm.

Tears seeped from the corners of her eyes as she gave a harsh cry, her body arched as she let the pure ecstasy consume her. As soon as he felt her release, Ben found his own. With a low groan he poured his seed into her. His entire body shuddered with his own surrender. He collapsed against her with a grunt of male satisfaction. 

“Ben…” Rey pushed at his chest from beneath him. “I love this but you’re too heavy,”

Ben grinned before rolling to his side. He wrapped his arms around her, lifted her rest on top of him, and kissed her soundly. “That was perfect, you are perfect,”

“Likewise, Ben,” Rey snuggled into him and contemplated with wonder at all the blessings in her life. She was truly part of the Solo family now. She was loved, and cherished, and valued.

She was home at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is completed for now but there might be a time I will revisit to add extras and tidbits about their marriage life.


End file.
